It's been so long since the last time we actually had a conversation. It didn't go well but it was really effective. I mean after that, we broke up. We talked about a lot of things. You seriousely did give me a peice of your mind but on the other hand I had no idea how much you are right and how much I was a d!ck.
Anyway, you know, I wasn't in a good mental situation. I had a lot in my mind and everything was crazy. But it wasn't a good reason to be an a55hole.
You left and you told me that you will probabley get marry soon. I will tell that story another time. But now I want to focus on what happend after.
It was nine months ago. when you told me about that guy. I totally freaked out, even though that I didn't want to be with you forever. After our final conversation life started to get dfferente. I found new community and new friends. I had fun for a while. [I know I was a d!ck.] about four to five months later I startded looking at past. Looking at what have happend to us. In that months I was with some girls, not as a girlfriend, just casual. You knew me well. Sometimes I got angry. Sometimes I was sad. And a lot more. Despite all these, YOU where differente. You really Loved me. One True Love. I didn't know that. And when I opened my eyes, you were not with me anymore. Those days of spring all I wanted it was to apolegize. I felt guilty. A LOOOOT. That I couldn't even sleep at nights. At least for couple weeks. I tryed to contact you but I wasn't ready. So I had to wait. Wait for a better time. I wanted to tell you what is in my mind in your birthday. But all I could say was 'H B D'. I didn't want to do any harm anymore. and still I had to wait. I wanted to have something when I am going to talk to you. But I failed and I couldn't achieve what I wanted, what I have working for, for over a year. That f#kin' thing was one of the reasons we broke up.
When I saw the result, I know this is it. So I texted you but you were not online. Since your birthday you were offline. I was hoping that you may get online soon and see my message. One Message full of Everything I had to say.
But you didn't. and still you don't. I thought maybe you say something on my birthday. And again you didn't. I had to try again. I cantacted you in another way. You seem to be online but you ignored me. Which was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. I didn't understand that what could've possiblly happend that You ignore Me. Well You Did and still it's mystery to me. Because I know you and I know there must be a reason.
It was a tough night. Same as the next day. But It was Over.
Since then, Every Day, Every Hour, Every Second, I know what I have lost, more that ever, and I want you back more than anything in my whole life.
Every second I wish there was a way to get back to those day and I would do absolutely anything I could to make you happy and to keep you for myself.
What Jerk I was.
To Be Continued.
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